things i can say

What happens, really, when you hit rock bottom? I guess all i can say is that the best thing about being at the bottom is that the only other way is to go is up.

So here it is. I won't say i know how you feel, but i'll tell you how i felt. I felt like disappearing. I felt so fudging stupid. I wanted to hit myself really hard over the head. To sum it up, i wanted to die. I felt like i was dying inside, and i'm not exaggerating. That period of time is now a faded memory, but if i dig into it and remember every detail, it still hurts a little.

But listen. Sometimes shit happens, and you make the wrong choices, or you do the wrong things, or you don't do the things that you're supposed to do, and then things wind up being fucked up beyond comparison, and you have this impulse to knock your head against the wall repeatedly because you could've done this differently, and then things would've been different -- better maybe. But there's something to learn in everything that happens, no matter how minute or insignificant these things may seem. So take your time and waddle around in the shit for a while more, and when you're ready, pick yourself up, take a shower and move on. Focus on what's to come, on what you can do NOW.

I want you to know that it's okay to have screwed up. Because that's what people do, and i know that's no excuse, but that really doesn't matter as much as how they react to it, and how they fix it whilst moving on. Life was never meant to be easy, and if it was, then we'll never learn anything, and we'll never grow.

So let go. These stories you're holding on to have become part of the past, and the thing to remember is that you're here NOW. All you have is right now, so just take a chill pill and relax, and focus on what you can do. There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. I probably overuse this line from the Beatles too much, but it rings so true and fits so right. The past may have been great, it may have sucked, but it doesn't matter, because you're here now, and everything must've fallen into place perfectly.

So take your time, but eventually, don't stop yourself from bouncing back. And while you're at it, kick ass.

So you failed. Alright you really failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You think I care about that? I do understand. You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling. ~Claire Colburn, Elizabethtown