choices and such

Howdy, awesome people!

Clearly, it appears that this project (blog) has gone into abandonment -- but i'm not giving up yet! I refuse to remove the link from any of my online profiles despite this site having gone un-updated for weeks, because i know that i still have way to much to learn, and i want to share all of this with you guys. I love this blog, and am thankful for the existence of a space for me to express and expand the best of myself.

Well, yeah, i've been cheating :( i'm sorry guys, but of late, i haven't been being 'love', or grateful, or 'fresh'. No, i haven't been being miserable, neither have i been stricken with negativity, i just seem to be unable to grasp that invigorating sense of energy. It's gone ... somewhere, and this has been preventing me from signing into this account and updating.

So i wait for it to return -- the power. I wait to be inspired again.

Today, here i am, and i have something to say (!). Just recently i was granted the privilege of choice, yet again. Now, i am eternally grateful for the fact that i have always been fortunate enough to choose how i want to direct my days and my life -- i get to chose what to wear and how to present myself, i get to chose what i want to do with myself (although i admit, i barely have an inkling of that), i get to chose what of my favorite food i want to eat later, etcetera.

But this is a different kind of 'choice'. This one here that i have on my lap, this is scary. This is a dilemma, and the reality of it is that this is the kind of choice that, if chosen wrongly, would be looked upon with regret for many, many years to come in the future.

What if i regret my decision? How am i to face everyone else after this? What if i don't get what i want? What if i'm letting go of something invaluable? What if i hate myself for this?

Yesterday, i cracked my head trying to figure out what i wanted. It kept me from sleeping, and had me feeling nervous the entire day.

Today, i realized that there's really no need for me to be so torn up over this. I have been terrifying and doubting myself in so many ways that it has already taken a turn towards negativity, and that is simply not sustainable at all --which is why i'm going to let go. I haven't come to a decision yet, but i am not going to be afraid anymore.

And i will not regret my decision. Because regret is only a fantasy that your insecurities craft, a nightmare of sorts, a song that you sing to yourself when you are unhappy or dissatisfied with your current environment -- and it never helps a single thing. Three years from now, wherever i find myself then, regardless of what i have chosen this week, i have faith that it is nothing but meant to be. All this while i was trying to protect myself from the regret that i would potentially feel, but today, i see that this is ridiculous. This is life, there is no right or wrong decision, everything just is.

So, all you awesome people, i haven't been around much, but i have something to tell you -- don't regret anything, ever. Yeah, so things could have been different. You could be living in a bigger house right now, be married to a different person, have a different certificate of your degree, etc. Your life could have taken on millions of different paths, but open up your eyes. Take a look around at the room you are in, and the people you are now surrounded with -- this is where it has led you, and this is where you are now.


Regret ain't gonna change a thing. And it's such a pain in the ass.

Let it go. Your life is perfect. Believe it.

With much lurve,
J ♥